Looking Ahead

This project has been an incredibly informative experience for me. I have learnt a lot about adoption and the foster care system, as well as being encouraged to think in new ways.

 While learning the basic process for adoption, one of the biggest things I learnt is that there are no guarantees; no guarantees of how long it will actually take, or exactly how it will play out.  I enjoyed seeing the huge jump that adoption has made, even from seventy years ago. Numerous laws have been put in place to regulate adoption and prevent human trafficking and extortion. Stigmas are being torn down, but there is still a long way to go.  The book I read really opened my eyes in regards to the damaging stereotypes and comments made about adoption, and the importance of changing the feelings surrounding adoption. It challenged me to really think about what I say, even the little side comments, because they have the potential to hurt people. I also discovered that so much of adoption is centered around the parents and their wants, rather than focusing on the children and their best interests. I find this sad and I want to help shift people’s focus from parents, to children.

 

This project really reinforced my desire to someday adopt. It made me realise my reasoning for adopting. I want to adopt, not to “lessen the orphan population” or so that I could have a child, but rather to give a child a chance at life. I want to be able to provide someone with the love and support that I grew up with in my family, and show them that despite the unconventional formation of our family, they still deserve just as many opportunities as other kids who live with their biological families. 

I don’t think that I would consider myself a mini-master of adoption. It is such a complex topic that there is still much for me to explore. However I did learn a lot, and am thankful for the project which allowed me to start my exploration of the topic. 

Is this for REAL?

To connect this project with the real-world I briefly interviewed a few friends with connections to adoption. First I talked to my friend who was adopted when she was four years old. I asked her what was something that she really enjoyed about being adopted and she told me about a celebration she has with her family to be thankful for her having been adopted and being part of the family. I then asked her what was hard about being adopted and she told me that it is the consistent questioning of why she looks different from her family. Finally I wondered what her overall feelings about adoption are and she responded with an enthusiastic “Yes, of course adoption is great because it gives children second chances at life.”

I wanted to gain a different perspective with these interviews and so I talked with some friends, Julia and Abby whose families are currently in the process of adopting.

1. How many years have you fostered your siblings?

• Julia: The youngest siblings, now 2 and 4, came to us about 3 years ago, and the oldest one came about 2 years ago.

2. How long has the adoption process taken so far and do you expect to continue?

• Julia: The adoption process has been a very long road and for the better part of 3 years we didn't know if we would be able to adopt these kids. We are hoping to have all the paperwork and adoption finalized by late summer, but it's slow going and no date has been officially set.
• Abby:  It’s been about 3 years now with no date set ahead.

3. How have other people’s reactions been, mostly positive or negative?

• Julia:Our family has been very supportive and they love the kids as much as they would biological family. There have been some surprised/negative reactions. People always ask me how I don't get attached and it's impossible not to.
• Abby: Reactions have been almost totally positive - "that's so cool!" or "I'd love to do that one day!" A couple have been neutral - "oh ok."or  "That's nice." But the overwhelming majority has been positive and supportive.

4. Is there anything that has been particularly hard?

• Julia:I would say the hardest part for me was the visitation that all the kids had. The youngest ones had visits for the first 2 years and the oldest had visitation for the first year and a half. The hardest part of the visits was when the kids got home they would be filthy, covered in dirt and grime. The clothes we sent them in had to be stripped off in the garage and washed separately. Towards the end the youngest two had progressed far enough to have unsupervised weekend visits and there was a date set for a trial home visit. The oldest one would tell us before visits that she didn't want to go and that she was scared to see her mom.
• Abby: The waiting. We have been in the process almost 3 years, and we still don't have a referral. And after we get the referral (which could be anywhere from 12-24 months away) it could still take several months before we get to bring whoever they are home. (Side note, we are probably getting two girls, between the ages of 6 and 10.)

5. Are there specific changes to the system or people’s receptiveness that you would really like to see?

• Julia: I would love to see this system advocate more for the children. Getting rights and services for the kids was so hard. The system is all about supporting the parents, but the kids tend to be put on the back burner.
• Abby:  More of the church needs to get involved in it. Adoption is how we have entered the family of God. It is one of the conditions of "religion that is pure and faultless (James 1:27)". Over and over in the OT God commands His people to look after the fatherless and oppressed. In light of that, how could we not be involved in adoption?? Everyone doesn't necessarily have to adopt, but they can support those who do, either financially, prayerfully, emotionally, etcetera. In the adoption systems there needs to be a lot of change. Mainly streamlining, and making the process shorter and less expensive, so that more kids can join families sooner.

6. Overall how do you feel about the adoption system?

• Julia: Overall foster care and the adoption system is flawed and imperfect but it is, for the most part, getting these kids out of horrible situations. Sometimes the places they go aren't much better but at least they are out of the worst situation.
  

I think my interviews mostly solidified my previous opinions about adoption. I think they show that there definitely are struggles, and in reality it is an insanely complex issues with a difficult process. However, all three expressed the opinion that despite the hardships they face and will continue to face, in the end it is all worth it to provide a safe, loving home for children who might not be in the best situations.