Looking Ahead

This project has been an incredibly informative experience for me. I have learnt a lot about adoption and the foster care system, as well as being encouraged to think in new ways.

 While learning the basic process for adoption, one of the biggest things I learnt is that there are no guarantees; no guarantees of how long it will actually take, or exactly how it will play out.  I enjoyed seeing the huge jump that adoption has made, even from seventy years ago. Numerous laws have been put in place to regulate adoption and prevent human trafficking and extortion. Stigmas are being torn down, but there is still a long way to go.  The book I read really opened my eyes in regards to the damaging stereotypes and comments made about adoption, and the importance of changing the feelings surrounding adoption. It challenged me to really think about what I say, even the little side comments, because they have the potential to hurt people. I also discovered that so much of adoption is centered around the parents and their wants, rather than focusing on the children and their best interests. I find this sad and I want to help shift people’s focus from parents, to children.

 

This project really reinforced my desire to someday adopt. It made me realise my reasoning for adopting. I want to adopt, not to “lessen the orphan population” or so that I could have a child, but rather to give a child a chance at life. I want to be able to provide someone with the love and support that I grew up with in my family, and show them that despite the unconventional formation of our family, they still deserve just as many opportunities as other kids who live with their biological families. 

I don’t think that I would consider myself a mini-master of adoption. It is such a complex topic that there is still much for me to explore. However I did learn a lot, and am thankful for the project which allowed me to start my exploration of the topic. 

Is this for REAL?

To connect this project with the real-world I briefly interviewed a few friends with connections to adoption. First I talked to my friend who was adopted when she was four years old. I asked her what was something that she really enjoyed about being adopted and she told me about a celebration she has with her family to be thankful for her having been adopted and being part of the family. I then asked her what was hard about being adopted and she told me that it is the consistent questioning of why she looks different from her family. Finally I wondered what her overall feelings about adoption are and she responded with an enthusiastic “Yes, of course adoption is great because it gives children second chances at life.”

I wanted to gain a different perspective with these interviews and so I talked with some friends, Julia and Abby whose families are currently in the process of adopting.

1. How many years have you fostered your siblings?

• Julia: The youngest siblings, now 2 and 4, came to us about 3 years ago, and the oldest one came about 2 years ago.

2. How long has the adoption process taken so far and do you expect to continue?

• Julia: The adoption process has been a very long road and for the better part of 3 years we didn't know if we would be able to adopt these kids. We are hoping to have all the paperwork and adoption finalized by late summer, but it's slow going and no date has been officially set.
• Abby:  It’s been about 3 years now with no date set ahead.

3. How have other people’s reactions been, mostly positive or negative?

• Julia:Our family has been very supportive and they love the kids as much as they would biological family. There have been some surprised/negative reactions. People always ask me how I don't get attached and it's impossible not to.
• Abby: Reactions have been almost totally positive - "that's so cool!" or "I'd love to do that one day!" A couple have been neutral - "oh ok."or  "That's nice." But the overwhelming majority has been positive and supportive.

4. Is there anything that has been particularly hard?

• Julia:I would say the hardest part for me was the visitation that all the kids had. The youngest ones had visits for the first 2 years and the oldest had visitation for the first year and a half. The hardest part of the visits was when the kids got home they would be filthy, covered in dirt and grime. The clothes we sent them in had to be stripped off in the garage and washed separately. Towards the end the youngest two had progressed far enough to have unsupervised weekend visits and there was a date set for a trial home visit. The oldest one would tell us before visits that she didn't want to go and that she was scared to see her mom.
• Abby: The waiting. We have been in the process almost 3 years, and we still don't have a referral. And after we get the referral (which could be anywhere from 12-24 months away) it could still take several months before we get to bring whoever they are home. (Side note, we are probably getting two girls, between the ages of 6 and 10.)

5. Are there specific changes to the system or people’s receptiveness that you would really like to see?

• Julia: I would love to see this system advocate more for the children. Getting rights and services for the kids was so hard. The system is all about supporting the parents, but the kids tend to be put on the back burner.
• Abby:  More of the church needs to get involved in it. Adoption is how we have entered the family of God. It is one of the conditions of "religion that is pure and faultless (James 1:27)". Over and over in the OT God commands His people to look after the fatherless and oppressed. In light of that, how could we not be involved in adoption?? Everyone doesn't necessarily have to adopt, but they can support those who do, either financially, prayerfully, emotionally, etcetera. In the adoption systems there needs to be a lot of change. Mainly streamlining, and making the process shorter and less expensive, so that more kids can join families sooner.

6. Overall how do you feel about the adoption system?

• Julia: Overall foster care and the adoption system is flawed and imperfect but it is, for the most part, getting these kids out of horrible situations. Sometimes the places they go aren't much better but at least they are out of the worst situation.
  

I think my interviews mostly solidified my previous opinions about adoption. I think they show that there definitely are struggles, and in reality it is an insanely complex issues with a difficult process. However, all three expressed the opinion that despite the hardships they face and will continue to face, in the end it is all worth it to provide a safe, loving home for children who might not be in the best situations.  

Oh How Adoption is Changing

In November I read Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming America”  by Adam Pertman. Pertman is closely connected to the subject of adoption, having adopted two children with his wife.
Pertman explores adoption thoroughly. He looks at the different members of the “adoption triad” (birth mothers, adoptive parents, and adoptees), removing the harmful stereotypes surrounding adoption, and the old and new laws relating to adoption. Throughout the book, he includes real examples pertinent to the topic at hand, including some of his own experiences. I especially enjoyed these short stories because they were true and inspired deep emotion-good and bad-in me.
I also liked how Pertman showed how far adoption and its stereotypes have come from seventy years ago. For example, a few years ago,birth mothers were often shamed into putting their babies up for adoption simply because they were not married. The adoptions were then closed, with no contact, and they were expected to just get over it. However, nowadays there is less of a stigma against single mothers, and so when women do give up their babies, it is usually out of more willingness; and it also coming to be understood that open or semi-open adoptions are healthier for all three members of the adoption triad.

In regards to my five questions I posed in the previous blog:

• Adam Pertman showed that overall, adoption is positively affecting the world, however there is still a lot more we can do, and a lot farther, in regards to our acceptance of adoption and those involved in it, that we can come.
• A lot of myths about adoption were discussed in the book and are too numerous to include them all. Pertman especially talked about the stereotypes of the triad, for example that birthmothers are horrible people, but he showed that is only true in rare circumstances. Instead, birthmothers are people who want the best for their babies and believe they can get that from someone else besides themselves.
• Pertman talks about how we need to stop acting like adoption is something to be ashamed of, showing the harmful side effects of this opinion. He states that the more we talk about adoption, the better it can become, and that it will take time. I believe this also applies to dispelling the myths. We need to be able to talk about them in order to prove them wrong.
• The struggles of an adoptive family continuously pop up as well as having their own chapter dedicated to them. He mostly discusses the struggles during the adoption process, likening the fall-throughs of adoption to a miscarriage. However, he does talk about some of the hard issues adopted children face because of their adoption, often not having a sense of identity. Pertman also goes into the money side of adoption, touching on the fine line between paying for services and buying a child, and advises adoptive parents should navigate it. 
• In the book, Pertman emphasises the need to change our perspective on adoption, from one of shame, to one of acceptance. He shows the need for this acceptance in order to help with its surrounding issues.

I found this book to be a great source of information and it left me thinking more deeply especially about the regulation- or lack thereof- of adoption. It included lots of statistical data and explored the complexity of adoption. Here is a link to a short review of the book: http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-465-05650-7

Until Next Time!

What Will November Look Like?

In November, I have been tasked with reading a book to do with my chosen topic of Adoption. I have chosen to read "Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families-and America" by Adam Pertman. This book explores the history and impact of adoption, using real stories from participants about their struggles in adoption. I chose this book because it appears to deal with the impact of adoption rather than just a step by step guide about the adoption process, and includes genuine adoption stories.

A few questions I hope to answer by the end of the book:

•  What is the overall impact adoption is having on the world, postive or negative?
• What are some myths surrounding adoption?
• How can we help dispel some of those myths?
• What are common struggles faced by adoptive families?
• How can we help support adoptive families as they face struggles resulting from adoption?

Overview

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Click above to hear a brief overview of my Senior 20 project!

Adoption Options

When I began my research, I was slightly apprehensive as to how it would go. With such a broad topic, I knew I would have to focus on specific areas during each session. I decided to start by focusing on foster care since it often serves as a precursor to adoption. The foster care system attempts to provide a temporary safe home for children when their parents are unable to care for them for one reason or another. Children from 0-21 years old are placed in foster homes for as little as a day, to years. They often become eligible for adoption, and foster parents are the first ones given that option.

In order to first get involved as a foster parent, you have to be at least 21 years old, in good health, and pass background checks. There will then be 5 or 6 home visits over a 10-12 week period where people will inspect the home and carry out interviews with family members. Before you get your clearance and being matched with a child, most states also require you to participate in a training course. I found it comforting to know that there are background checks and home visits to ensure the children's’ safety. However, I wish that all states required the training course because I think more care has to be taken with foster children than with your own due to their backgrounds. I think that while the foster care system is good for providing temporary homes, kids can get stuck in it and “suffer” from being continuously moved around, and so we need to be doing more for these kids.

http://fostercare.com/become-a-foster-parent/

I then looked into the different types of adoption. Adoptions are split several different ways. The first is domestic( in the US) and international(outside of the US). Both processes are relatively the same price but have their own complications, although with domestic adoptions, I feel it might be easier to fix any problems since you are closer to the action. Also, the only way to get a true newborn is through domestic adoption because international adoption takes quite a bit of time.

The next set of categories pertains to how you want to go about the adoption, either through an agency-public or private- or independent of an agency, often with the help of an attorney or facilitator instead. Agency adoptions, and adoptions with attorneys are less risky due to the fact that they are governed by state law, and so they have a standard to live up to. In my opinion, there is advantage to having an agency or at least an attorney, to deal with the details that they are aware of and to have someone who is used to the system.

The terms “closed” and “open” often accompany adoption. Closed adoptions are usually where there is very limited contact and identifying information between birthparents and adoptive parents. Generally, open adoptions are when there is somewhat of a relationship between birthparents and adoptive families, often accompanied by information about the birth parents and contact. Adoptions range between these two extremes. Closed adoptions are becoming less popular as there are often negatives that accompany them. Presently, most agencies let the birth mother decide how much contact she wants, and semi-open adoptions- with mediated contact and small amounts of information exchanged- are becoming more popular. Both closed and open adoptions have pros and cons, but I believe adopting parents and birth parents alike, need to choose what they feel comfortable with, and find people who comply with those wishes.

https://adoption.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-adoption

http://family.findlaw.com/adoption/open-vs-closed-adoption.html

https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/open_adoption

I found a lot of good information this month and I am looking forward to exploring more in the following months. I found this site with articles about anything adoption-related that I am excited to browse. Check it out if you want! https://adoption.com/articles/adopt I also found this video that really touched me. If you want to see it: https://adoption.com/videos/466/from-foster-care-to-adoption-story/

Until next time!

What's this about?

Hearing about the Senior 20 project, I didn't quite know what I was going to do. After thinking about it for awhile I eventually decided to focus on adoption and the foster care system because ever since I was a little girl, I've known that someday I want to adopt.

I grew up in Zimbabwe, Africa due to my parents work. Zimbabwe is a third world country with the highest number of orphans per capita in the world. I've seen the huge impact of having parents or a loving family has on kids and their lives, helping with different programs for orphans. This coupled with my early exposure to adoption since one of my best friends being adopted, sparked in me the desire to adopt and make a difference in someone's life.

Throughout this project, I hope to gain a better understanding of the adoption process and also of the foster care system. I want to be able to talk to people about adoption and give perspective on it. I also want to be able to dispel misconceptions surrounding adoption. Although I'm far from ready to adopt, when I do I want to do it right, and this is a brilliant oppurtunity to learn more about the adoption process.